So Rude
7 Mar
I get emails from Bust Magazine sent to me and sometimes I find an article that interests me through this emailing. However, the one I got today featured a blog post promoting the website STFU Parents.
This is not the first time I’ve heard about this site, or the first time I was bothered by it. The author/owner of the STFU site’s “about me” starts with “You used to be fun. Now you have a baby.” Ouch.
The “You’re not a parent and too stupid to understand why this site is bad” Versus the “You are a parent and too stupid to see why this site is funny” flame war that took place in the comments to that Bust blog post was not a surprise to me.
Listen, I make fun of myself a lot. I make light of my Asian heritage, my lack of coordination, my natural nerdiness, and of course my parenting skills. But something about the concept of the STFU parents website just really can hit a raw nerve with me and obviously the commenters on that BUST post.
For me becoming a parent was surprising in so many ways. First, I was shocked at how hard it was for me. Not because the act of parenting is inherently hard, but because I have never been more UNSURE of my ability to do something the right way in my life (besides any group sport). I was not prepared for the insecurity that I associated with being a mom. In no other instance have I become more painfully aware of the fact that good intentions are not necessarily a road to success.
Second, I was not prepared for how having a child can drastically affect your social life and relationships with those around you. Lack of sleep? Ok, saw that one coming. The need to revamp my definition of socializing? Not so much.
So what does this have to do with the STFU website? I am sure that some parents find the STFU website funny. In fact I know they do from reading their comments on related blog posts, but to me – I guess it just hits too close to home. I fully support the right that this website has to exist and the right for people to find it really funny and I wouldn’t be crazy enough to participate in a comments debate about it. But I just hope I don’t see any of my Facebook status posts up there any time soon.
And…I think I’ll unsubscribe from that BUST mailing list.
I’m sorry people are like that. Nobody has the right to slam people for talking about the most important thing in their life in their own web space (or anywhere else). How petty are those people, that what’s none of their business bothers them so much?
Hi Jen – This came up in my Alerts. I just wanted to throw out that the name of the site is really just a joke. I don’t *actually* want parents to “shut the f*ck up” so much as acknowledge the humor and ridiculousness that exists on social networking sites like Facebook where people want to tell – and sometimes show – the world their son’s first solid poop.
Of course, you may not find this concept funny, but I wanted to clarify that it is not a site that exists to pit women against each other (I myself am a woman who intends to have children in the next 3-5 years with my guy). It is not a site dedicated to telling ALL parents (or moms) to shut up. It is a place for people to have a laugh and maybe vent a little.
Also, I don’t think BUST meant to alienate readers with that post. It was meant to be taken lightly, like the blog itself, and many people found it personally insulting. I think that might speak to something deeper than what was intended.
I appreciate your response. However, I think intention does not affect people’s perception. I believe you when you say the site INTENDS to be light and funny. But, obviously people are insulted by it anyway. And I guess that’s what can happen when you moderate a blog that is trying to get people to acknowledge their unintentional ridiculousness.
The BUST article is not the first comment thread I’ve read on a post about your site that broke down into women basically calling each other stupid. I’m sure that was not their intention as it isn’t yours to pit women against women, but the site has a polarizing effect whether or not you want it to.
More power to you with that site. Like I said I support your right to have it up for the world to read. I just don’t particularly like it, and that’s ok too.
Well said.
Parents know we can be extremely self involved sometimes. Non parents can be extremely self involved sometimes too.
I don’t see how pitting us against each other accomplishes anything. It doesn’t make it any easier for us to coexist.
All that being said, all those who like to laugh it up on sites like STFU-you’ll get yours. Just you wait, Henry Higgins.
VERY well said Jen. I for one usually have the best of intentions, it doesn’t mean I am perceived that way. (Cue the moment when I stick my foot in my mouth) The difference is that I am AWARE. I have a hard time understanding the “intention” to be light and funny. Anything that pits people (especially women) against each other doesn’t seem light or funny to me. I also have a hard time hearing something light and funny about parenting from people who are not parents. That’s judgemental, I’ll own that…before I was a parent I was one of those naive women who might have said something similar to STFU. My point is that when you attempt to joke about something that is personal without personally experiencing it…that in and of itself feels offensive. At least it does for me. And yes…I was shocked by the social re-wiring motherhood forced me to do. It’s like learning to have a life all over again….